The concept of forgiveness is so important in Islam. Our daily practices, our amaals, our pilgrimages all have this practice deeply woven into the, Seeking forgiveness for ourselves and others.
The Qur’an too teaches us of its importance, and we also know if we are praying for Allah to forgive us, then we too should forgive others.
“We have not created the heavens and the earth and everything in between except for a purpose. And the Hour is certain to come, so forgive graciously.” (Quran 15:85)
And yet, many find forgiving and letting go so difficult. Many are holding onto some pain that they really want to let go of but just can’t seem to do it. We go through life with grudges that weigh us down, with damaged relationships, carrying the pain around with us.
Allah even tells us to excuse them and instead put to put your trust in Allah.
“It is by Allah’s mercy that you are gentle to them; and had you been harsh and hardhearted, surely they would have scattered from around you. So, excuse them, and plead for forgiveness for them, and consult them in the affairs, and once you are resolved, put your trust in Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who trust in Him.” (Quran 3:159)
And yet, we hold onto it. Despite it causing us so much damage. For this pain depletes us probably more than the person we are not forgiving. They may not even be aware of how you are feeling.
But sometimes it is not that we don’t want to release the burden, we don’t know how. Often when we are feeling overwhelmed, a step by step process helps us navigate a complex and emotional situation.
So, if you are ready to get rid of the burden, try these 5 steps to letting go.
- Reflect – try and remember what happened, in as much detail as possible. Write down who hurt you and what happened. In this step you are recreating the story as an “outsider”, without the emotion and sticking with the facts as closely as you can.
- Learn – what did the incident teach you? We know Allah is always testing us, so we can learn and grow. Often it is in these moments of pain that we learn the biggest lessons of life. What did you gain? What did we learn from this test?
- Empathise – Did this person set out to hurt you? Or was it that they couldn’t handle the situation? Maybe they too were going through a bad time, or just didn’t know any better. Be compassionate, for again, this is a quality loved by Allah, and we too seek his compassion.
- Gratitude – Did this person ever do anything good for you? Did you share any special times together? By focussing on any good they brought into your life, and giving thanks, you are also adding some perspective to the situation.
- Forgive – Now that you have hopefully got the most you could from the situation, forgive and let go. Think the best possible thought for them, pray for them. And when you are ready, destroy the paper, maybe tear it up or burn it, and be free.
Find out more about Sis Tazmin Suleman
Tazmin Suleman is an accredited ICF Coach, founder of TS Coaching and a MHFA. Her signature coaching programme, Revitalise empowers women to regain control of their time and energy and build lives that they love. Her mission is to help women elevate themselves and their families.
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