Tonight and Every Night

Author: Syeda Mehr Mustafa

My Lord,

I confess to You what You already know.

Every Laytul Qadr before this year, I have sent you a never-ending list of wishes, desires, goals and accomplishments for wealth, health, prosperity and peace.

I have always asked you to send good my way and to prevent the not-so-good from reaching me. You know how long and far my desires run. We both know they’ll never satisfy me.

So tonight, I will ask You for one thing alone.

Make me content with Your Decree, no matter what it is.

Help me submit to Your Will, especially when it goes against what I want.

I was foolish to think that avoiding Your trials, punishment, and the distress You bestow was good for me.

But everything you have tested me with has benefited me the most.

The truth is I do not know what is best for me; I only know that You know what is best for me.

I want to walk in the footsteps of my Maula Ali (A.S), for whom I’ve spent the past few days in mourning. He once said,

“I thanked Allah and was pleased when He gave me what I asked for, but I thanked Him even more when He didn’t give me what I asked for and instead gave me what He Knew was best for me”.

Give me a fraction of Ali’s contentment with your Decree. So if I know that death is approaching me, I rush into Sajda like him.

I have always asked for ease, never endurance.

But this year, I just need Your help in submission. So help me submit to You.

This year, if you test me with illness, let me smile through it, knowing that all illnesses bring me closer to you.

This year, if you test me with wealth, let me be thankful for it, knowing that the provisions you Decreed for me are more than enough.

This year, if you test me with the loss of my loved ones, let me not grieve for my loss but rejoice at their homecoming to you.

I do not know what trials await me, but I am certain your Gentleness will guide me through them.

I do not know what blessings await me, but I am certain I cannot thank You enough.

I do not know what hardships await me, but I am certain your Clemency will shield me.

I do not know what Your Decree will be, but I am certain that You have put the patience and fortitude to bear It in me. In the moments when Your Power tests me, make sure I can access them.

Give me what I know I need to submit to You and bestow upon me what I don’t know I need to be content with You.

I only pray for one blessing this year – the ability to submit to Your Will.

Author intro: The author is a Fulbright scholar with a M.A. Islamic Studies from George Washington University. Her research focuses on Al-Sajjad’s life and the Sahifah al-Sajjadiyyah.

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